As time has gone on, another development took place in my prayer of contemplation.

I don’t know how it happened; it was like an itch that needed scratching, but something made me sense that I am loved by our Father. I know now that it was Jesus who was teaching me.

Over the years, I have normally prayed to Jesus and, more vaguely, to God. I have known the work of the Holy Spirit, sometimes in striking ways, but I had really not known the Father’s love – I just knew about it in my head. But it was dawning on me gradually that all divine love comes from our Father.

Jesus was shining a light on this in my spirit. It is different to praying to Jesus. With him I talk and listen and worship, but that is a very human experience. With the Father it was more of a knowing through unknowing. Does that sound strange?

All I know about God is nothing compared to knowing him. When Jesus was transfigured in glory on the mountain top talking to Moses and Elijah, St Peter wanted to build three shelters for them, because he was hoping to just say there. But the Cloud of the Father's Presence came down and the apostles fell on the ground in awed worship. (Matthew 17: 1-6) I am not surprised that the presence of the Father is often described in the Bible as a ‘cloud’. But it is a cloud which reaches down to the very depths of our being. It defies words, and comes and goes into our consciousness as it wills.

Under its influence, we develop a subconscious attitude of receiving love. 

The attitude of receiving love

We only sporadically realise that we have this attitude inside us. It seems to me that the main way to facilitate its growth is to actively give time to contemplation. Great saints seem to reach the stage where this attitude becomes the continual focus of their minds and hearts. It is perfectly right to want to be like them, which we will with time. But be content with how the Father leads you in his own good time. Let the desire grow, but avoid impatience!

Centering prayer

Thomas Keating calls Contemplation ‘Centering Prayer’. He advises beginners to just keep repeating a word or a phrase and leave all other notions to fade away. I myself have been led to just keep repeating the word ‘Father’.

As we persevere, over time, we will become increasingly aware of this attitude of receiving God's love growing in our souls. It does come and go. We will sometimes find that we doubts its existence. Then we have to cling to the belief that it is there. Human lovers find love strengthens as they overcome their doubts. That is how love sends down deeper roots.

Contemplatives are like athletes who, through practicing, develop and train their muscles. Doing the same exercise again and again can be a tedious slog, but we get into a rhythm and find we miss it when we don't do it. After all, it is simply going to our Father for love. Keep it up!

Jesus said: "when you pray, go to your private room and, when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in that secret place, and your Father who sees all that is done in secret will reward you" (Matthew 6:6).

How are you finding these thoughts of mine? Any questions you would like to ask? Any thought you would like to offer? If we share, we will grow. We will be led by God. Jesus tells us that when two or three share in his name, he is with us. Let's share in his name!